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The Ins and Outs
Exploring sex, dating, and relationships with other men can feel exciting, confusing, or a bit intimidating - whether you’re just starting out or have been at it for a while.
We know, because we’ve been there ourselves. The flood of information out there can be overwhelming, and what we learned in school probably didn’t cover it all.
That’s why we’ve put together these resources; to help you navigate sex, dating, and staying safe with confidence. Written by community members, for the community, everything here is designed to be practical, honest, and judgment-free.
Dive in however you like - start at the beginning or jump to what feels relevant. Take what you need, leave what you don’t, and come back anytime.
Our goal is to help you feel more informed, more confident, and more in control of your experiences.
We created this resource because we know that 85% of gay and bi guys did not get the information they need from their sex education, and 59% learn most of what they know about sex from porn (which doesn’t always reflect real-life experiences).
Disclaimer: When we use terms like ‘boys’ or ‘guys,’ we’re referring broadly to any people for whom those terms resonate, or for people who may be interested or are already having sex with gay or bi guys. This includes our trans, non-binary, intersex, and takatāpui friends. Additionally, we’ve not yet covered penetrative vaginal/front-hole sex, keep your eyes peeled for more content coming. This resource won’t cover everything - but it’s a place to start.
How to have oral sex
Oral sex (like giving or receiving head) is a common way people start exploring sex with guys.
This guide covers the basics, including different ways people experience oral sex, as well as things like rimming.
How to have anal (butt) sex
This guide walks through the basics of anal sex, including how it can feel, why people enjoy it, and what to know if you’re trying it for the first time.
How to date gay and bi guys
Dating guys can feel exciting, confusing, and sometimes a bit like guesswork - especially if you didn’t see many examples growing up that reflect the types of relationship you want to hace.
This guide shares real experiences and tips to help you navigate dating, connection, and relationships.
How to watch and enjoy gay porn
For many people, porn is one of the first places they see gay sex - but it doesn’t always reflect real-life experiences.
This guide explores how porn shapes expectations, and how to approach it in a way that feels healthy and informed.
How to prevent HIV and STIs
Sex education is all about sexual health, and because the world is set up for heterosexual people, there isn’t much information about sexual education for gay and bisexual guys.
We’ve pulled together this guide on everything you need to know about sexual health for gay and bisexual guys. This guide covers the essentials of sexual health, including HIV and STIs, so you can make informed decisions and look after yourself, and your partner(s).
How to hook up with guys
Okay, so you want to try hook-ups and meet new guys to have casual sex with?
There are tons of ways to meet guys for casual sex, finding regular friends with benefits, or relationships if that’s what you’re looking for.
This guide covers different ways people connect - from casual sex to situationships and more - and how to do it safely and confidently.
How to use apps like Grindr
Apps like Grindr are a common way to meet other guys - whether for chat, dating, or hook-ups.
This guide explores how to use them safely and get the most out of the experience.
How to prepare for anal (butt) sex
Trying anal sex for the first time - or wanting a better experience?
This guide walks through how to prepare in a way that feels comfortable, safe, and right for you.
How to enjoy anal (butt) sex
So, you know you're into sex with guys but don't know whether you want to top, bottom, either or neither? The good news it, there’s no one “right” way to enjoy sex with guys.
This guide explores different ways people experience anal sex (or choose not to), and how to figure out what works for you.
How to decide if 'coming out' is right for you
There are different ways that you can come out, and you might want to do it now or later, or not at all. Do you have to come out to everyone? Does your doctor need to know about your sex life?
This guide helps you think through whether, when, and how coming out might feel right for you.
How to have consensual sex with other guys
Consent means making sure everyone involved feels safe, comfortable, and genuinely into what’s happening.
This guide covers how to recognise, communicate, and respect enthusiastic consent in a way that supports positive experiences.
Help shape this resource
We’d love your thoughts - what worked, what didn’t, and what you’d like to see more of.