What Tops Want: A Guide To Good Bottoming
Kia ora, bottoms!
You probably already know the basics of bottoming, but we wanted to help you out. So, we polled the tops of Aotearoa to find out what they want bottoms to know - and came up with some hot tips to level that bussy up.
We all deserve to have a great time during sex and a little bit of extra knowledge goes a long way!
1. "Not all tops have penises!"
Some front-hole owners are tops too. Topping can be penetrative or non-penetrative. Not all trans folk and front-hole owners are bottoms and penetration isn’t everyone’s vibe, so be sure not to make assumptions.
Some trans folk and front-hole owners are more sexually empowered by their fingers, fists and cocks. Language is so important – don’t assume how trans folk like to refer to their genitals – make sure you are using language that affirms them, reflects their identity and how they like to have sex.
Sex with trans folk and front-hole owners is mega sexy and trans sexuality deserves to be and should be celebrated! Packers and cocks with erection rods as well as other toys feel INCREDIBLE. Ensure everyone is being open and communicative. Use respectful and consensual language so that everyone feels empowered.
Sex with trans folk and front-hole owners is mega sexy, and trans sexuality deserves to be and should be celebrated!
2. "Tops come in all shapes and sizes."
You wouldn’t judge a book by its cover, so you shouldn’t judge a cock by its bulge. A top doesn’t need an 8+ inch dick to be good at sex.
It’s a cliché, but it’s truly not what you’ve got, but what you do with it, that counts. Changing positions, using toys and fingers can be great ways to add to, or change up, the topping experience, regardless of size.
3. "Sometimes tops don't mind it up inside too."
Not all tops are exclusively tops - there are those who enjoy a bit of vers play too. While the top is fucking you, maybe ask if you can put a finger in their butt, or ask if they'd like to use a toy. You may be surprised at their response.
As always, when using/sharing toys, best practice is to use condoms/wash the sex toys between partners to lower the risk of STI transmission.
4. "I'm more than just a pole - tops have feelings too!"
There’s a common misconception that tops are the blow-n-go type. While this may be great for a quick fuck, tops do also like to feel emotionally connected to the person they're having sex with! This can be developed during foreplay and using open communication to explore what each other likes and dislikes.
Sex is great when there is a connection more than just a pole in a hole.
5. "Accidents happen and there's no need to be embarrassed."
Accidents happen and that’s okay. If it’s all good to continue afterwards, then great. If not, there are other ways to have sex other than penetrating the butt. There’s no shame in accidents – most tops understand that these things happen!
6. "We don't always need to be in control."
Power play is a fun way to add excitement during sex. Tops don’t want to be the driver all the time. You should feel empowered to take the wheel during sex and embrace your inner power bottom.
Consent is sexy!
Make sure that when you are in control, you have the full consent of your sexual partners to ensure everyone feels safe and sexy.
You should feel empowered to take the wheel during sex and embrace your inner power bottom.
7. "Tell me what you like and don't like."
For the most part, tops aren’t psychic. Don’t be afraid to tell tops what you need to feel good during sex, when you need it. You should should ensure that you are openly communicating what you want (e.g. "More of this, less of that, that feels great, that doesn't feel good, try this" etc.). Communication between tops and bottoms is key to the enjoyment of sex.
Whatever you and your sexual partners choose to do, know that you have control over how you protect against HIV and other STIs. PrEP is an amazing tool to reduce risk of acquiring HIV by 99% and asking the top to wear a condom is a great way to prevent HIV and other STIs.