Joel Overbeck 4Kugrj1de1u Unsplash

Sleeping with your flatmate

Joel Overbeck 4Kugrj1de1u Unsplash

Sleeping with your flatmate

This article was a special feature on our monthly newsletter called Just The Tip written by the one and only Justin Side.

When I think about sleeping with the people you live with, the age-old adage “don’t shit where you eat” comes to mind. I disagree with the totality of that statement and even the premise that having great sex with a flatmate is ‘shitting’. Also, let’s not forget that scat play is a thing. 

I live in a shared house with three other gay men, by choice and against the advice of well-meaning friends. We’ve encountered a cornucopia of situations that could only ever happen to a group of our exact composition. If anybody is looking to cast a hot new reality TV show, then get in touch.

If you are going to cross that sweet bedroom threshold purely for convenience or after an especially bad night on the grid, then I have some things to consider.  

Communication is the golden tool in all relationships, whether it’s your boyfriend or your overpriced hairdresser. You gotta let people know what you want/need and listen to what they want/need to get the best outcome.


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What kinda things should you communicate with your flatmate that you’re sleeping with? Well, I’m glad you asked.

  • Is this just sex or are there romantic feelings involved? Be honest with yourself and them. You can’t hide secret desires for long.
  • How often are you going to be doing this? Is this a once-in-a-blue-moon occasional rendezvous or are you both open to regular bedroom hopping?
  • Chat about sexual health and the methods you plan on using to keep yourselves safe. If you’re sleeping with other people, you should be open about that.
  • Would you want to add others to the mix, maybe the other flatmates?
  • What are your boundaries? Can he call you a dirty fucking slut?
  • Is this just a rebound after a bad breakup?
  • Are there any power imbalances going on? 

Those are just some things to get you started but ultimately you want to make it a safe, pleasurable and fun experience for everyone involved. 

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Grant N90LM3A5AZQ Unsplash

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