By: Tāmaki Makaurau Auckland-based contributor Jonathan Allen.

We all know what is meant by ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ when it comes to getting it on. Both positions can be a lot of fun, although people tend to have preferences of whether they want to top, bottom, or both when having sex. Some people have a very strong preference, others find their role depends on who they are going to have sex with, and very often preferences will change over time.

How do I know my role?

Anal sex isn’t something that is black and white – what it all comes down to is what you and your sex partner feel comfortable with and what you want to try. Communication is key.

The only way to find out is to try it for yourself. Ease into it with lots of foreplay, lube and fingering, making sure the bottom is comfortable. Good communication will make the whole experience much more pleasurable for both of you. If you and your partner/s prefer to use condoms, once the bottom feels ready, put a condom over that cock, lube up, and slowly slide inside and enjoy all the amazing sensations that will ensue. If you and your partner/s are HIV-negative and struggle with consistent condom use, maybe consider taking PrEP to stay safe. But remember that while PrEP is great at preventing HIV transmission, it won't protect you against other STIs like gonorrhoea, syphilis or chlamydia. If you or your partner/s are living with HIV and are on effective treatment with an undetectable viral load, then there isn't any risk of HIV transmission - but, as with PrEP, there is still risk of transmission for other STIs.

If you’re feeling a bit adventurous on your first time, try some different positions and see which ones you and your partner/s like best. There are many sex positions: doggy, missionary, sideways, in a chair, against a wall; the list goes on.

For the bottoms: if you don’t like it at first, don’t rule it out completely. It’s an intense experience and the sensations can be a bit uncomfortable at first as you get used to things. If the top has a thick cock, you may need to prepare yourself some more before being entered. This means more fingers, or busting out some toys (like a butt plug) that has less girth than their cock, to stretch things out. In saying that, if at any time you don't want to keep going, or there is pain you're worried about, then you should stop and your partner should be okay with that - being empowered to stop is a big part of consent.

What's a 'power top' and 'power bottom'?

Either position can express power or dominance; these roles are for the more confident, experienced and kinky. Often portrayed in gay porn (especially BDSM porn), a power top is a rougher, faster and harder top. A power bottom on the other hand is a bottom that takes control by actively riding the top’s cock and often being on top of the top; they have control over the depth and speed at which they're being fucked and also controls the top’s pleasure.

Some quick tips:

• Communicate with your partner
• Clip down fingernails if fingering is involved
• Use a condom for fingering, fucking and on dildos
• Make lube your best friend
• You may want to douche before sex for peace of mind and comfort
• If it hurts, stop, wait, and try again slowly later, or another day - there's no shame in wanting to stop

It’s important to ease into anal sex to make it as safe and enjoyable as possible. Butts are delicate, but if you train yours, or your partner’s correctly then you can be power-bottoming away in no time!